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Have you ever looked at your partner — the capable, steady, high-achieving person you built a life with — and thought, I know something is hurting them… I just don’t know how to reach it?

Maybe their childhood looked perfectly fine on paper. Two parents. Stable home. No obvious trauma. And yet, underneath it all, there’s something tender. Something that surfaces when stress hits. When aging parents decline. When old sibling dynamics flare up.

In this Dear Katie episode, I respond to a thoughtful wife navigating exactly that. Her husband grew up in a seemingly loving home — but with subtle narcissistic traits, scapegoating dynamics, and comparison trauma that left deeper wounds than anyone realized. Now, as his father faces dementia and family tension increases, those old roles are being activated again.

We talk about:

• The hidden impact of being the “scapegoat” child
• Why grief makes old childhood wounds louder
• The difference between being your partner’s anchor vs. their healer
• How to protect your marriage from extended family triangles
• Three practical tools you can start using this week

If you’re navigating aging parents, complicated in-laws, or watching your strong partner quietly carry more than they should — this episode will help you support them without losing yourself in the process.

Relationship Game Plan Call

Free Conversation Starter Cards for Couples

Couples Goal Setting Workbook

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