Every year, I create a couples' goal-setting workbook to help couples get on the same page about the goals they have for their relationship. It teaches them how to dream again and to get really practical about what they want to make a reality this year. I added a private podcast series to support those couples and [help them] better understand some of the challenges that come up as we try to set goals together.

Today, I'm allowing you to listen to the first episode of it, in which I talk about how to create a shared vision when you don't have a vision at all—as a couple or even individually, right? Sometimes we're just completely tapped out in [terms of] creativity. It happens! So, listen to this episode, go grab the workbook in the show notes, and listen to the rest of the episodes teaching you tools to deal with any challenge that comes as you set goals as a couple. Let's dive in!

Welcome to Relationship Reset: Reignite, reconnect, rebuild! The podcast for high-achieving couples who want to transform their relationship from surviving to thriving. I'm Katie Rössler, a relationship coach and counselor with over 15 years of experience helping busy, overwhelmed couples rebuild connection, trust, and intimacy. If you've been together for years and feel stuck on autopilot, disconnected, and frustrated by constant miscommunication, you're in the right place. Each week, we'll explore practical tools, relatable stories, and strategies to help you reignite the spark, rebuild your bond, and create the relationship you've always dreamed of. Because no matter how long you've been together, it's never too late to hit reset. Let's dive in!

Hello, everyone! I am so excited you are here. You are here because you are taking the time to invest in your relationship, and you have the couples' goal-setting workbook. So, I'm going to be taking you through particular challenges I find couples having as they try to take the time to set goals together and dream again.

You've probably been together for a while, and maybe in the beginning of your relationship, it was really easy to set goals and dreams. Now, maybe there are kids involved, or a career path you didn't expect. Maybe you're living somewhere you didn't expect from the very beginning—not that it's bad, it's just not what you thought it would be. Now you're trying to figure out what the next five years are going to hold. So, over this seven-part audio series, I'm going to be talking about some of the challenges I find couples facing.

For those of you who do not know me, my name is Katie Rössler. I'm a relationship counselor and coach. I work with high-achieving and goal-driven couples who are ready to rebuild. They're realizing they've been together long enough; it's time to upgrade—not from each other, but with each other. And so, they're taking the time to learn more strategies and practical tools to improve their relationship.

Now, I've been working in the field for 15 years. I am American; I live in Germany. So, I've worked and had private practices in both countries. I've worked with couples from many different countries who speak many different languages, and I am telling you, these seven core issues that I'm sharing with you are not culture-specific, are not gender-specific. They are issues I'm seeing across the board. That is why I'm able to confidently say, "Here are seven challenges you're probably facing as a goal-driven, goal-inspired couple." You know you have a vision for something greater in your life, and whether that's individually or as a couple, you know that you're made for more.

So, we're going to be working on how to get your relationship [to be] a space where it holds room for that vision. We all know that if things are not going well at home, we don't feel as successful in our lives. Sure, the career can be going great, or the volunteer things [that] we're a part of are going awesome, or the kids are great, but we, as a couple, are not. And so, there's something in us that feels a bit black. So, we're going to be working on that over this seven-part audio series and through the workbook that you're going to be doing together.

Let's get to challenge number one that I find couples really facing. And I'm not putting these in order of one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, in priority. I'm just saying, "Here's challenge number one. Let's draw it from a hat!" The first challenge is a lack of shared vision for the future. Maybe [you] used to have one, and now you're just so stressed. It's hard to be creative when we're stressed, right? It's hard to be able to think clearly, to have a vision for anything to be different than what it is. And sometimes we just want to pack up the shop and go, "I'm moving to an island by myself!" Well, we can't do that now. Some people do, and [it's] usually called a midlife crisis. But we are not those types of people. We're tough, we're resilient, but we're a bit tired of how things are. So, let's talk about how to start to have that shared vision.

It starts with you having a vision—having clarity on what you want the relationship to look like. Often, we're used to setting goals like, "We want to get taxes done by this time, and we want to finally have the garage cleaned out, and we finally want the basement organized." Okay, that's not about your relationship. Yes, you guys are teammates, and there is teamwork to be had, but roommates can do those things, right? We're talking about improving your relationship. So, we're creating a vision and goals about the relationship, and we're being realistic. We're not going, "Oh, in six months, we want all this to be better." No. You guys have had many years together, so it's going to take time to shift this. But you're not new to hard work. You're able to do it; it's just [about having] the right tools and systems in place to make that happen. Now, I know I'm making it sound really technical, but I promise there are strategies I've been using with couples for many years—and I use [them] in my own relationship—that work once you put them in place and you get them running.

Okay, so the first challenge, again, is a lack of a shared vision for the future. And that typically is the sign that one or both of you just don't really have a vision of what you want the relationship to look like. Now, this can be because you don't see it getting any better anytime soon. You're really worried that any expectations that you would have or dreams are not realistic because of who your partner is, or because of the season of life you're in. There are a lot of reasons why we get blocked. It can also [be] because you're stressed and overwhelmed.

So, I'm going to lead you through a short guided meditation where I want you to get your mind clear and take a moment to visualize what you would like your relationship to look like just in the next five years. So, if you're able to... hopefully, you're in a space [where] you can do this. If not, wait and listen to the rest of this later.

Close your eyes and just take one deep breath in, and release it out. And I want you to take another deep breath in, and I just want you to release out everything that's happened already today. Let it all go. And take another deep breath in, and as you release it out, imagine yourself grounding into this moment right now. And now, as you take a third deep breath in, I want you to release it out and just open your mind to possibility, to creativity. Let's see what the vision for the future could look like.

Now, imagine there is a little elevator above your head on the 10th floor—[a] golden elevator, sparkling and beautiful. And as you take a deep breath in, imagine that elevator sinking down into your head, level nine, down through your throat, level eight, relaxing everything that is touching. Its golden light [is] spreading through you and relaxing your body into your chest, level seven, all the golden light going down your shoulders, down your arms, into your stomach, level six, relaxing the space [where] we usually feel anxiety and fear, down into our pelvic floor, level five, relaxing and resting those muscles, down into your legs, four, relaxing the muscles where we hold tension and frustration, down into your knees, three, the joints that do so much for us, down to the bottom area of our legs, two, down into our feet, one. Just allow yourself to feel the relaxation as this golden light from the elevator spreads throughout you.

Now, I want you to find a space that brings you joy—[a] space that just brings you complete joy. It can be outside or inside, a space you've been to, or a place you create. But in your mind's eye, I want you to go there. And I want you to imagine, as you're in that space, and you're looking around, and you just feel this joy, this... this enjoyment of life, you notice a big movie screen in front of you. And on there is you, five years from now. And you notice your partner is right beside you. As the movie plays out, you start to see what a great day in your relationship would look like. Notice how you're interacting. Notice the emotions and expressions that are on your face. Turn up the volume of the movie if you can't hear it well. Notice the ease in which you guys can relate with each other. What are you doing together as the day goes on? How are you communicating with each other? How are you connecting? Notice that as a challenge arises, as naturally happens in a movie, how you handle that challenge. What does it look like to argue in this state—[on] a great day in your relationship? Because arguments will happen. Notice how you handle yourself, how your partner responds. Notice, as you come to the end of the day, how do you connect? How do you find space and time for each other? What type of energy do you have at the end of the day for each other? Is gratitude a part of the practice that you close the day with? Or do you have a different ritual that helps you feel connected?

After the day has played out on the movie screen, rewind it. Watch it again. Zoom in, notice the details. Notice the shift. Who are you being in this relationship? How are you acting? Now, you can come back to this space anytime you want. You can listen to this audio anytime you want, as well. This is your space to envision what a great day in your relationship will look like in five years' time. This is giving you the possibilities that are there. It is showing you, through your mind's eye, who you can be in your relationship, as well.

Notice, as the movie comes to an end, that the movie screen starts [to] become smaller and smaller, but get closer and closer to you. It's small enough to fit in the palm of your hand. As you reach out, it falls straight into it. And you take a deep breath in and put the palm of your hand to your heart and feel the integration of that movie—of all of the things that showed up in your great day in your relationship in five years' time being integrated into every cell of your being. Who you were, who your partner was, how you related, how you connected, how you disagreed, how you faced challenges—all of it. Allow it to integrate into every cell of your being. You might sense a tingling sensation all over, or a warmth. All of it is normal. Take a deep breath in.

[Now] come back to the present moment, in which there is a golden elevator at your feet at level one. Imagine that golden elevator shining its light through your feet at level one, going up through your legs, level two, into your knees, level three, up to your thighs, level four, into your pelvic floor, level five, up through your stomach, level six, all of this golden light shining through, into your chest, level seven, through your throat, level eight, up into your mind, level nine, and above your head, level ten. Take one deep breath in and release it out. Slowly blink your eyes open and take a moment to write down what you saw. What did you notice from this guided meditation?

Did you notice I didn't have you [say], "Okay, what goals did you achieve? And what were the steps... the action steps you took?" No. I had you envision what a great day in your relationship would look like and who the two of you were in it. How you connected, how you related, how you guys were able to be the true version of yourselves in the healthiest way possible. Because when we goal-set, if we don't have a clear vision for what we want our relationship to look like, we don't know where we're going, and we're just going to fall into the old patterns anyway.

When an athlete goes in with the vision of wanting to win, they act differently in their training. They educate themselves on their skills and their tools that they need to have to be a better athlete with more investment. It matters, and they know because they have tasted, through visualization, what the end can be. They're driven.

So, write all of this down. Get very clear on what it looks like. And now, I want you to take it a step further. You are going to write out your goals in a different format than usual. I want you to write out who you were, or are, in that five-year time relationship, and I want you to write it this way: "I am... I am more patient. I am more understanding. I am able to take ownership. I am able to express gratitude. I am able to listen without fixing." I want you to write out who you are in that relationship and that healthy version—not focused on your partner, because our brains will find fault and point the finger at someone else before [they] will take that full ownership of ourselves. But if I am not being the person I want [to be] in my ideal relationship, I cannot hold my partner accountable to being [a] better version of themselves. Not at all.

So, when we lack a shared vision for the future, we need to get clear on, "Who am I in my ideal relationship?" And then we can create a shared vision for the future. Now, once you both have done this activity, share with each other what you saw about yourselves. "I am this. I am this." It's going to inspire you to think about things differently. "Oh, wow, yeah, like I didn't even think about that. I want to work on that, too," right? "I am this." Write it out. "I am..." Because visualization is all about helping the brain to already have experience [with] what we desire to have, so that it knows what it feels like, and then it starts to go towards it.

Our brain is the best personal assistant when used correctly. It's like that secretary that you're like, "Oh my God, why do you keep doing this this way?" "Oh, because I keep focusing on what not to do versus, 'Let me get very clear on what is and will be.'" When I get clear on what is and what will be, my brain hyperfocuses on making that happen. It's the best assistant, but I've got to teach it the correct way. If I'm like, "Well, I guess I'll be that way. Like, I want to be this person, but my partner has to do this first..." Well, then I'm only going to look at what my partner is not doing. And as soon as they start to be that person I want them to be, then I'll reconsider. "Okay, maybe now I need to do the things I need to do." No. We want to be who we want to be in our ideal relationship, because that means we're focusing on improving who we are.

Now, after you've had the discussion about what your "I am" goals are... you know, it's funny, we're talking about "we" as a couple, but I'm having you do "I am" because you who are a big part of the process.... I want the two of you to create a relationship vision board. I want you to pick out—whether you find it digitally or through magazines or newspapers—words, images, symbols that represent you as a couple. I like to think of this like... you know, living in Germany, there are, like, shields for families, right? The crescent and things are always... these images and symbols on these shields... create that for your relationship. What do we represent? Who are we? What are the words that [are] going to remind us of our five-year plan—of this vision of who we want to be? Is nature important to us? Then we want to have a tree or a symbol of nature in front of us, right? Is it being more loving, kind, and patient? Then maybe those words are symbols that represent that for us.

Coming together in creating a joint vision can also be creating a tangible reminder of that vision. Get creative with this. Have some fun. Get a little messy and allow this to help you to get on the same page [regarding] your shared vision for the future. Because, ultimately, you both desire to have harmony, healthy communication, greater connection, and an enjoyment of each other again, right? I'm really surprised if any couple comes to me and says, "That is not our shared vision of the future." And [I'd] be like, "Okay, well then we need to talk about what it is." But if we think about it that way, ultimately, we have a shared vision. How we want to get there might be different, but I have my "I am" goals, and you have your "I am" goals, and together we have created the symbol of our vision—[a] tangible reminder of our joint vision of what we want to experience: harmony, patience, love, kindness, connection, fun, adventure, enjoyment... whatever that might be. Then our minds start to focus in on, "How do we become that? How do we get there?" Okay?

So, challenge number one: a lack of a shared vision for the future. You have two really clear exercises to help you to get out of the weeds of [the] struggle with creating a shared vision. Go do these exercises together, and reach out if you have questions. katie@katierossler.com. Send me over an email. Let me know if you've got any questions after doing this one. And remember, rebuilding your relationship doesn't mean that something's broken. You are now taking the tools and experience you have gained over these many years of being together and going, "We can do this differently." Kind of [like] the upgrade to [a] phone, right? Not that the other one was broken, it's just [that] we've got newer apps, newer things, newer systems, newer ways to do it. So, let's learn from our past [and] work smarter, not harder.

Thanks for tuning in to Relationship Reset! If you found this episode helpful, share it with a friend who might need it, too. Don't forget to rate and review the podcast. It helps more couples discover these tools to rebuild their connection, too. And be sure to hit subscribe so you don't miss next week's episode. It's going to be a good one! Your relationship is worth the work and the rewards—totally worth the effort. See you next week!