Welcome to Relationship Reset: Reignite, Reconnect, Rebuild, the podcast for high-achieving couples who want to transform their relationship from surviving to thriving! I'm Katie Rössler, a relationship coach and counselor with over 15 years of experience helping busy, overwhelmed couples rebuild connection, trust, and intimacy. If you've been together for years and feel stuck on autopilot, disconnected, and frustrated by constant miscommunication, you're in the right place. Each week we'll explore practical tools, relatable stories, and strategies to help you reignite the spark, rebuild your bond, and create the relationship you've always dreamed of. Because no matter how long you've been together, it's never too late to hit reset. Let's dive in!

Hi there, and welcome back to Relationship Reset! I'm Katie Rössler, and I'm so glad you're here for episode 2! If you're new, welcome to the party! If you're returning after episode 1, well, I guess that means I didn't scare you off with all my talk about hitting the reset button. Either way, I'm thrilled you're joining me today because we're diving into something foundational: the seven core areas of relationships that take the biggest hits when we've been together for a while.

Now, relationships don't come with a checklist, but if they did, these seven areas would be at the top of it. Here they are: communication, connection, trust, respect, intimacy and sex, shared responsibilities, and goal setting and dreaming together. We're gonna break them all down, look at what makes them tick, and explore how they're all connected. Sound good? Okay, let's do it!

Let's start with the big one: communication. It's the foundation of every relationship, right? But let's be real, sometimes it feels more like trying to talk to your partner through a bad Wi-Fi connection. Here's what I mean: communication isn't just about talking; it's about understanding and being understood. That means actively listening, expressing yourself clearly, and knowing how to handle conflict without it feeling like a tornado hit your relationship.

For example, imagine this: one partner comes home from work and says, "We need to talk about the budget." The other immediately hears, "You're terrible with money!" and boom—defensive mode activated! They're now arguing about the tone of voice used instead of the actual budget. Sound familiar? Poor communication doesn't just make conversations harder; it's like pulling the thread on a sweater—everything starts to unravel.

Another part of communication is speaking so your partner can understand you, not the way you understand things. We've been with our partners for a while now, right? We know how they think, so why do we keep talking to them like they're us? No! We have to start working on speaking their language, so they'll perceive what we're sharing the way we intended to share it.

Next up is connection. This is the emotional glue that keeps you and your partner bonded. But over time, life happens: work deadlines, kid tantrums, Netflix binges… and that glue starts to feel more like weak tape. Connection is about more than spending time together; it's about being present and engaged. Think of it like charging your phone. If you're only plugging in for five minutes here and there, your battery isn't going to last. Speaking of phones, I bet you know how much battery you have left on your phone. Do you pay attention to your relationship with the same level of intensity? Probably not. We tend to take our relationship for granted and treat it like a rubber ball instead of the glass [that] it is. If we drop it repeatedly, it will eventually break into too many pieces to fix it.

One couple I worked with felt more like roommates [than] partners. They had dinner together every night, but it was spent scrolling through their phones. It was like every family restaurant you go to nowadays. Connection requires intentionality, and it's not about the quantity of time, it's about the quality.

Next is trust. Let's talk about what trust actually is. Most people think of it as, "I don't lie to you, so we're good." But trust is so much more. It's about reliability, consistency, and creating a safe space where your partner knows they can count on you. For example, if one partner constantly says, "I'll take care of it," but never follows through, trust starts to erode. And once it's cracked, it's like trying to fix a broken vase. You can repair it, but it'll take effort, and it might not look the same. Trust isn't about avoiding betrayal; it's about showing up in the little ways that say, "I've got you." So ask yourself, how much do you trust your partner in the big and little things in life?

Can you trust your partner enough to be vulnerable with them? Or do they tend to jump in and correct you or try to fix things when you come to them sharing your heart? It's these things that impact how you trust your partner, too. So, together, it's important you're both paying attention to this.

Let's dive into the fourth one, which is respect. Respect is the unsung hero of relationships. It's not as flashy as love or as obvious as trust, but without it, everything falls apart. Respect is about valuing your partner's thoughts, feelings, and boundaries, even when they're different from your own. It's reflected in how you talk to your partner and how you treat them. Here's an example: one partner gets tired of reminding the other partner to follow through with something they said they would do. Over time, the partner starts to speak like a parent to a child, and something called contempt starts to happen. Respect isn't shown, nor is it communicated. Both partners are left angry and hurt, and the respect for each other is a lot less than they thought it was. I see this on repeat with couples, and it's one of the things we start to work on first to, to start to shift their ability to communicate and connect.

Now let's go to the spicy stuff that gets impacted by all those previous core areas: sex and intimacy. This is more than just about the physical act. Intimacy is about vulnerability, closeness, and feeling desired. A lot of couples hit a point where intimacy feels more like an item on the to-do list than something they actually look forward to. One partner might say, "I feel like we never have sex anymore," and the other responds, "Well, I'm exhausted from doing everything around here." See how shared responsibilities (which we'll get into next) sneak in? Sex and intimacy can't thrive without good communication, connection, and respect. They're all linked. Add in if trust has been broken in your relationship or you have a history of trauma, and building back intimacy and sex can take time. But you have to dedicate the time to it, and know that [it] doesn't always start in the bedroom.

Sorry to those of you who were hoping I'd suggest this… intimacy and fun need to be built back up so that both of you feel good and excited about getting physical again, or even more often. So, I mentioned that shared responsibility can impact our sex and intimacy, so let's dive into that.

Shared responsibility can be a minefield. When one person feels like they're carrying the load, resentment builds. This isn't just about who does the dishes or takes out the trash; it's about [the] partnership and fairness. One couple I worked with had a classic scenario: she felt like the household manager, while he felt like no matter what he did, it was never enough, or even that he could do it right. Shared responsibilities aren't just about tasks; they're about teamwork. When done well, they're a reflection of trust and respect. The goal is to feel like you're part of a partnership, and that looks different for everyone. And by the way, it doesn't mean a 50/50 split of responsibilities, either. But it does involve both of you actively being a part of taking care of your family and home.

Oh, and for those of you who need this friendly reminder: if you or your partner need to nag the other like a parent to a child to get things done in the home, or even remember to do things, I'm going to bet that there are issues with your sex and intimacy, 'cause feeling like you have to parent your partner is never sexy. So again, this is one of the reasons why I address this pretty quickly when working with couples, and I recommend if you have this scenario going on in your relationship, you address it, too.

Finally, let's talk about goal setting and dreaming. This is what keeps a relationship moving forward. It's about aligning your vision for the future and working together to achieve it. Without shared goals, couples can feel like they're living parallel lives instead of building something together. One partner might dream of retiring early to travel, while the other is focused on climbing the corporate ladder. If you're not on the same page, it's like rowing a boat with one oar—you're gonna go in circles.

I always suggest couples goal-set at the beginning of the year and [do a] quarterly check-in on how things are going. It gives them a chance to pivot when they need to, celebrate progress, and discuss new goals. Also, we all change, so doing a big dreaming and goal-setting meeting together once a year gets you on the same page with [any] new ideas you may have for your relationship. By the way, I have the perfect couples goal-setting workbook for you that comes with a bonus audio series to help you with any challenges you're facing as you try to dream and set goals together. I'll make sure that's below in the show notes.

Okay, so let's talk about these seven core areas and how they interact. Here's where it all comes together: these seven areas don't exist in isolation. They're like dominoes: if one falls, the others are impacted. For example, if communication breaks down, connection suffers. When connection is weak, trust and intimacy are harder to maintain. If shared responsibilities aren't balanced in the way that works for both of you, resentment creeps in and respect takes a hit. And when respect is low, goal setting becomes a tug-of-war instead of a collaboration. Think of these areas as spokes on a wheel. If one spoke is broken, the whole wheel wobbles. That's why it's so important to pay attention to all of them, not just the squeaky one that's making noise.

So here's my challenge for you: take a moment to reflect. Which of these seven areas feels the strongest in your relationship right now? And which one feels like it needs the most work? If you're not sure where to start, I've got you covered. All you have to do is book a Level 10 Relationship Assessment with me. Together we'll analyze your relationship, identify the areas that need the most attention, and create a clear plan to make an immediate impact. It's like taking your car in for a tune-up, except way less stressful and [with] less wait time, and you come out feeling way better than when you started. The link to book is in the show notes, so don't wait! Let's get your relationship running smoothly again. Oh, and it's complimentary, so why not?

We have now gone through the seven core areas of your relationship. Thank you so much for joining me on this deep dive! Remember, every relationship has its ups and downs, but with the right tools and a little intention—maybe [a] bigger intention—you can turn things around. Don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss next week's episode, where we'll talk about the art of listening. And no, it's not just about keeping your mouth shut! Until then, take care, take a little time to reflect, and don't forget to hit that reset button when you need it.

Thanks for tuning in to Relationship Reset! If you found this episode helpful, share it with a friend who might need it, too. Don't forget to rate and review the podcast—it helps more couples discover these tools to rebuild their connection, too. And be sure to hit subscribe so you don't miss next week's episode. It's gonna be a good one! Your relationship is worth the work, and the rewards [are] totally worth the effort. See you next week!