The Balance Code

How our Words Hold Power with Stepanka Kuralova

February 07, 2024 Katie Rössler Season 2 Episode 14
The Balance Code
How our Words Hold Power with Stepanka Kuralova
Show Notes Transcript

What if there's a hidden power behind the words we speak, shaping our thoughts and actions? 

In this episode, we will be exploring the power of language with Stepanka Kurolova, who will help us uncover its hidden influence. 

Stepanka is a clinical hypnotherapist, coach, certified EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) practitioner, writer and the host of the Inner Glow Podcast. She empowers ambitious women, creatives, and entrepreneurs from all around the world to overcome self-sabotage, unlock their true potential and shatter the glass ceiling that limits their growth in life, business, and career.

Come with us as we explore the complex ways in which language shapes our ideas, feelings, and everyday experiences. Stepanka's observations will shed light on the ways in which our expressions, even the subtle ones, affect the environment around us.

Join me on this linguistic adventure as we seek to unravel the power of language to change the way we communicate with ourselves and the world around us.

What we talked about:

  • Exploring how language shapes our thoughts and emotions, the subtle power of words in our daily experiences.
  • The impact of language in therapeutic practices.
  • Learning the art of shifting disempowering phrases to empowering ones.
  • Practical tips on overcoming procrastination by altering language patterns, and turning victim mentality into empowered decision-making.
  • The power of positive self-talk and affirmations.


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Learn More About The Stress Less Space

Get a free Uncover Your Blocks Strategy Session with Katie

Follow The Balance Code Podcast on Instagram

Follow Katie Rössler on Instagram

Check out the podcast website

Welcome to the balance code podcast, a place where you have permission, step outside the hamster wheel of day to day life and learn tools for greater balance. My name is Katie Ressler. I'm a licensed therapist and hidden grief and burnout specialist. I help ambitious high achievers get off the one way train to burnout and start to enjoy life to the fullest.

Oh, and by the way, I'm an American living in Germany who's still learning the language, a mom of three and an entrepreneur. Living my balance code is what helps me keep working in incredible ways without burning out. So let's discover our balance code together. 

 Welcome back to the podcast. I'm really excited today about our topic, how our words hold power. You know, a lot of the things that we say, we don't realize, are really creating kind of an imprint on the world, how we see things, and how we act in it. So today I have Stepanka Kurolova, and she's going to be teaching us more about how our words [00:01:00] really do hold more power than we realize.

And how to bring awareness around them. So, Stepanka, thank you so much for being here and sharing your expertise. I am so excited to interview you today. Hi, Katie. Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited about the topic we will be exploring today. I feel like we will have a lot to share with your amazing audience.

Thank you. Absolutely. So, let's start with, share with us a little bit about yourself, what you do, where you are, and who you serve. So, I live in England, southwest England, but I originally come from the Czech Republic. I have lived here for about nine years now, so a little while. And I am a clinical hypnotherapist, mindset coach, writer, healer, and I have been on a mission to help others to rise into their full potential, to step back into their power and start creating the life they [00:02:00] truly desire.

It is a calling I had from quite a young age, yet I didn't really know how to get to it, how I was gonna support people, how I was gonna help them step back into their full potential. But as life would have it, you know, the life events I had to experience took me over to England, where I ended up studying clinical hypnosis, and then I ended up adding a few Other modalities and honestly, since the moment I qualified, I have been supporting clients from different parts of the world and I couldn't be happier because it's such a such a satisfying thing to do to help others and and help them change their lives completely.

Yeah. Oh, beautiful. And I love that. It took a move and an experience in a new environment and your own growth process to really find your purpose and your calling and your gifting to serve others. Now, I have [00:03:00] to point out, if you're not watching the video, Stepanka and I have very similar color schemes in our offices.

We have our green plant up in the top left hand corner. We have the same blues. And so I'm looking at this going like, I feel like it's like looking into a similar kind of world. Um, okay, so let's dive into, especially in today's world, what are you noticing about how we talk about our lives, um, how we're describing the things we go through, you know, what are you seeing?

What are the trends? Yeah, I mean, this topic is so broad. Language, how we use it, what it does for us, or how it could be negatively impacting us. It's just such a huge topic. One I'm so passionate about because it's, Part of my personal story I did not share is that originally I actually studied linguistics and I was studying Germanic [00:04:00] languages, German in particular at university, and I was taking quite a few linguistic classes and early on I realized how big that connection is.

Between the language we are using, and how it makes us feel, and also the kind of images that immediately pop up in our mind whenever we say something, and how it can bring up a feeling. Because very often we have this idea that words are neutral, or most of them at least, if we don't include, let's say, swear words, or something, you know, really unpleasant.

Usually we think like words are words. They are pretty neutral. It's not true. Every word brings up an image in our head. Every word can bring up a feeling. And yes, there will be those kind of words that we are More attached [00:05:00] to, because we have some sort of a experience connected to that word, while others will be a little more towards the neutral point, but there truly is a big connection.

And then, moving fast forward to the moment when I was studying hypnosis, like, hypnosis is all about the language. So when I am working with a client, I actually, the first thing I do, I just tune in. I start listening to the words they are using, the way they are describing their problems, the way they are describing their vision, or trying Not, I should say, because that's a trend I'm going to mention right away.

you will find, and I'm sure, Katie, you have experienced this yourself in your practice. Sometimes you will ask a client, well, could you tell me what you would like to experience instead? Or what is your vision? What is your goal? What does your heart desire? And Before you know it, that client will be [00:06:00] back describing the problems and what they don't want.

So this in itself tells us how our human mind sometimes works, how it focuses more on the negative, so to speak. On what is not working instead of actually like boldly going into that vision. I witnessed this so many times. And one of the first things you learn as a hypnotherapist is that, okay, for this hypnosis technique to be effective, it needs to sit well with that client.

You need to be using the right language. So, let's say I have this client in front of, in front of me and I start using, sort of terminology to describe something, that might not land for them at all. It might not resonate because they described it in what I would call like a normal spoken Language and all of a sudden I'm bringing up all these like important sounding words and there [00:07:00] will be a gap.

So actually that client might not have such an aligned experience. So one of the things I do in my practice would be to okay listen out to the kind of words they are using and I'm going to use the same words. I'm gonna make sure their subconscious mind is accepting it. Because if it sounds like too far from what they described, the way they described it, well, there could be inner rejection.

They might not feel as seen, they might not feel as understood, and, also, it might just not So, I always was learning, like, the importance of language. And then when you strip it back to how we use language on a personal level, it is everything. The way we speak, how we speak, how we describe things, once again, it creates feelings.

How you speak about yourself matters, whether it's out loud or inside your [00:08:00] head, whether it's in front of someone else or whether you just, you know, saying something to yourself about how life is difficult or how this is never going to work out. Yeah, absolutely. You know, you were talking about the fact that all these words, even though we think they're neutral have different varying weights.

And I think about it as a mom of three young kids. My husband and I are very mindful how we talk about things. Because we've noticed, you know, even with our three year old, if we go into doing a puzzle with her and we're like, this is hard, this is difficult, we have already kind of imprinted on her the challenge.

And due to her temperament, um, it might be that she can't face it. Thankfully, mine's very stubborn. So no, she does, but it might be that it's like, oh, well, I can't, I'm not good enough. I'm not capable. So we start, it starts at a very young age that these words start to hold power for us and meaning and [00:09:00] really due to our, uh, nature versus nurture, right?

Due to our nature, our temperament, that immediately kind of ignites something within our brain and our genetics to go, Oh, I can, or I can't, or, um, I'm capable. I'm not, I'm strong enough. I'm not, I'm, you know, whatever it might be. So I'm glad you started with that, that like, we don't recognize that those words hold power, but over time, they're being shaped in that way.

So you do have to do your treatment exactly the way you do it, where you need to listen first to how you speak. So then you really hear what you need to hear in order to be open to healing it. What are some, um, Kind of patterns that you notice with your clients, or maybe even, you know, an online world.

Not how we have started talking about our lives and our stress. Yes. So, I've personally just want to say, I love that example. I love that you shared a little story from your life because I feel that will really painted [00:10:00] a picture for people listening in. And it's so true, isn't it? Sometimes we actually set ourselves up for failure.

By the way, we talk about something or I'm gonna struggle, that's gonna be so difficult. And I literally had the same conversation with a client last night because, I've been supporting her in growing her business in, in this incredible way. And she's got an event, an in person event on Sunday, and it'll be over a hundred of people.

She will give a speech. She is, you know, and I, I was like en encouraging her. I'm like, you brought all those people together. Through your business like it's a big achievement. It's incredible. Your business has grown and all these kids and parents are coming together. You've made such a positive impact.

And she was like, yeah, on Monday, the day after the event, I'm going to be exhausted. I'm going to be so tired. It will be such an anxious event for me. And I'm like, Do you hear yourself speaking? You are [00:11:00] literally planting the seeds for how you're gonna be feeling on the day and the day after. What if you felt empowered?

What if you felt so uplifted and so proud of yourself for bringing all these people together for having positive impact her business deals with children and I think that's just so powerful, isn't it? She's positively impacting children. They are our future. It's so important. So it really is about listening to our stories.

How are we describing things, the future, the present, the past, even, because there is actually, and I haven't seen much about it, but I, I sometimes do this exercise with my clients, depending on what they are struggling with, we will look at similar events in the past. Or maybe is there a threat? Is there, similar scenarios?

Is there a strong memory that comes up for them when they think about this topic and then they describe it? And I'm like, okay, well, what did [00:12:00] go well about this in the past? Can we actually look at some like positive memories connected to this topic? And it always blows my mind. People will come up with these beautiful stories.

So I'm going to use an example, money, money abundance, when someone has a money block and is really struggling and feels like. Like it's stuck in the scarcity mindset and money topic wealth can bring up a lot of fears or emotions, right? Feelings of unsafety and so on. So I will ask a client, like, what are your positive money memories from your childhood, teenage years?

Because all books, all courses, they always ask you what are the negative memories you've got connected to this. Yeah. And I mean, that is great because it can help you understand certain things, but hardly any ask about a good memories and there is power in them. So when I ask them to bring those up, they will like light up.

They will be like, yeah, remember, remember the moment when I was given [00:13:00] like the first ever pocket money and I went to the sweet shop and I'm like, Oh my God, look at how many things I can buy. It felt so good. It felt so exciting. In that moment, your energy has shifted. In that moment, that black and white past of negative memories shifted.

All of a sudden, there is also the happy memories that could be impacting you right now. And the same with like, am I describing something as like, I'm a helpless victim in this situation? Or am I choosing to see it as an opportunity? And I actually prepared a couple of sentences for this episode. And I thought I'll read them out loud for people to feel the difference.

And, and for you as well, Katie. So I'm interested to see what thoughts you have. So example number one. You don't have to worry. You don't have to worry. Okay. So let's say the same thing differently. You are [00:14:00] doing so well. Okay. That one excites me. And so I'm like, Oh, look at me. Gold star. Yep. Yeah. So can you see, can you feel the difference?

They're like communicating the same message. Like it's okay. Everything's okay. But there is different energy behind these two sentences. So example, number two, we have an opportunity to expand our company in a new direction and innovate our current products. The same thing said differently. There is a problem with our current product line.

what we are doing is not working. Womp womp. Exactly. Like, and we're stuck. Brick wall. There is nothing we can do. You know, what are we doing isn't working, but like, oh, we have an opportunity to expand our company and innovate our products. And that's big. another [00:15:00] example, I love how consistent you have been with your weekly videos.

Thanks. You are very predictable. You are doing the same thing every single week. I'm like, oh god, that's not a good thing. Right? So, it's like how we speak to others can empower them. And I think with children, this is really important. With your clients, with friends, like, with employees, or if you are a manager in a company, like, These sort of things are crucial by saying, by communicating the same message, you can either empower someone or disempower them.

And the last one, um, I am only an admin assistant. I am an admin assistant, literally just one word is different and it can make all the difference and really what made me think of those [00:16:00] subtle shifts is when I finished my qualification in clinical hypnosis and obviously to keep up your license and the insurance and everything, you've got to be constantly educating yourself in this profession.

You know this well. yourself. Like, you need to even, like, prove if you are a member of certain professional organizations, you might need to even submit how you are educating yourself on a, on an annual basis. And I was thinking, like, how do I want to continue, like, educating myself about hypnosis? I did this Thara course and I'm like, hmm, let's look at into hypnobirthing.

It's not like I want to. Do it, but it's about just expanding my knowledge and I bought this textbook about hypnobirthing and I was blown away how much wisdom there was and one of the chapters that simply stood out to me the most was the power of language when a woman is pregnant when she is giving birth.

Because [00:17:00] there is words such as contraction. What comes up for you when you hear the contraction? Pain? you know, right? But then, the hypnobirthing has its own vocabulary. Their own language. So what they would say is a surge, a wave, an energetic wave. So when someone's speaking to you or you are describing how you feel, it is sounding differently, isn't it?

It's got like this whole energy about it or, um, they talked about words such as delivery or the word labor itself. Like, what if delivery was simply birthing? What if failure to progress, right, a very common phrase used, failure to progress was used as slowed labor. It would freak out the, the mom a lot less or complication.

When you hear the word complication, you're like, Oh my God, something's wrong. And, and it [00:18:00] creates fear, you tense up, you know, a lot can start happening within you and your mind. What if it was called special circumstance?

 and that really made me think. I'm like, where else in our life can we use different words? so something that's coming up for me, I'm realizing as you're sharing this is, my love language is words of affirmation. And this really speaks to that piece of my soul, that words really matter.

And I think if you're listening to this and you can relate, like, yeah, when somebody tells me. You are doing an amazing job. I'm so grateful for all the work that you do and you feel like lit up inside that you probably have words of affirmation as one of your love languages. And this is where words are even more powerful than to maybe the average person, right?

You know, I work with a lot of couples that they go, well, I shouldn't have to say that you just know it. It's like, Ooh, there are power in our words. You're right. There's a lot of power in our words and you should just [00:19:00] know it versus I love you so much and you matter to me. Right? Those are two very big things.

So everything you've just described and how we say things and in the tone that we say them with. Right? You know, when you're giving the examples, like I'm only versus I am, and you emphasize the am, I find often with affirmations and mantras, people don't realize that they can say them on repeat with different emphasis on different words of it.

And it brings new level to what you're saying. And it's the same as if I was like, Stepanga, you. You are amazing to me, right? Like, if I emphasize that, like, you're like, smiling straight away. I love it. Good words of affirmation. So the way we speak, the words we use, the intention behind it, I think is so important.

And I love that you brought up, you know, the hypnobirthing because for some [00:20:00] people they think it's a little like, well, This is a little bit outside of my, you know, what's uncomfortable with, but all it really is at the key is allowing yourself a different way of experiencing the birthing process and the laboring process.

And that translates not just into giving birth. So if you're listening to this and you're not a parent, or you're not going to be somebody giving birth, then know that this translates into the workplace. It translates into relationships, friendships. Family members, all of these things like this is important.

and there really truly are. There's just so much power, that we hold in what we say and why we say it. And I think this is why in the online world space, when people just type out whatever they think of, we read it with the tone of voice, in our own personal history, right? We read it through our own.  

And then all of a sudden these words have power when they're just. You know, letters on a screen. So I, I think you've brought to light so much [00:21:00] for our listeners to really focus on when we're stressed, how are you talking about that stress? How are you talking about the challenges you're facing? Are you discussing them in such a way that it makes you feel worse?

Like you said, you're even your client who was like, I'm preparing to be so exhausted the Monday after it's like. Okay, cool. Do you want to plant those seeds? Or do you want to be empowered like you said? And we have to stop how fast we speak about things and really think about what intentions do I want to set?

Um, I find with my clients and you probably hear this too when they've had a bad day, they keep hitting red lights or the S bonds not running on time and they're going to be late and they forgot to put on deodorant or brush their teeth or what, you know, all these things. There's a big presentation. The printer didn't work.

The vocabulary they use is, I don't know why I deserve this. I don't know why this keeps happening to me. And then it was one thing after [00:22:00] another. And it reflects the sense of feeling of being punished instead of that life just happens, right? Life happens and we decide if it's good or bad, if it's setbacks or progressing forward, or if it's all learning opportunities, and you've really.

Brought that back to light for me again, of just, it is really valuable the way we see our world and what we're willing to say out loud. Now if somebody's listening to this and they're like, really, I just have to say it differently and I'm gonna feel or think differently, what would you say to them? Yeah. I would say just play with it. Experiment, and you'll notice the difference. And sometimes we've just been so used to speaking about things in a certain way that we don't even think there could be a different way because it has become a habit. And, I would say maybe like one of the simplest ways to get started is with a few [00:23:00] crucial words.

Must, have to, ought to, can't. Because these words, they actually are sending a message. to your subconscious mind that something is happening to me. I'm a victim here. I don't have impact over this situation. And I'm going to expand on it a little because maybe it's not quite making sense just yet. But basically, whenever you are finding yourself struggling with procrastination or feeling really annoyed about needing to do certain things, whether they are house chores, something in your job, or something, maybe you have a business, you love it, but there is aspects you are not enjoying like accounting, bookkeeping, or whatever that is.

So this is a subtle shift. That can change everything. That can change your feelings. I'm just gonna explain it because you can literally start doing it [00:24:00] right away. There is a difference between saying, Oh, I must do laundry today. I must do laundry today. So the word must, just like need to, ought to, have to, is literally telling your subconscious mind something outside of me, something or someone outside of me is forcing me to do this.

I have no say in this situation. I must do it. It's almost like imagine someone's holding a gun next to your head and it's like, I must do it. There is no other way for me. The truth is, it's a choice. You are choosing in that moment. You are no victim when it comes to your house chores. And people sometimes love to ignore and they, sorry, love to argue and they will say like, well, if I don't do it, then my house becomes cluttered and I don't have any fresh clothes.

Well, some people live like that. Yep. You are actually making a choice. You are choosing to have clean clothes. So you are the one making an empowered decision. [00:25:00] So whenever you're struggling with procrastination and you feel annoyed about certain things, replace the word must or have to with I can. I can do laundry tonight.

And you can even add, I can do laundry tonight if I choose to, or own your choices and say I want to do laundry. Because I want to wear this blouse tomorrow, it's important to me. All of a sudden, it's like I am the one making decisions. I'm no longer describing myself as a victim in this situation. And honestly, even this one subtle shift has helped some of my clients overcome their procrastination.

It's, it's so powerful. So. Really, like, um, I have to lose weight. Hmm. That's again, like, I have to, or something bad will happen. I have no choice here. I have to lose weight. Not true. You don't have to lose weight. You can stay the [00:26:00] way you are, but you are choosing to. So once you start shifting your language, you will start feeling differently.

Yes. I want to. Lose weight. I am choosing to lose weight. It's a decision I am making for myself. And all of a sudden, like, the energy is different. That feeling inside of you is different. And, you turn from a victim to an empowered creator. Someone who's actually creating their life. And the words, can.

I am choosing to, I would like to, I am going to, that's again a powerful way of saying like, I'm committed, I'm actually gonna do it, I'm going to do it, so they have a different impact on your subconscious mind, it actually feels the decision comes from within, compared to have to, must, ought to, that feels like something outside of me is forcing me to do it, I have no say [00:27:00] here, so this simple thing.

Shift can literally change your feelings right away. I should exercise more often. You, you don't have to exercise more often. That totally is a choice you are making. And, you know, if I was quite brutal with it, even things such as, um,  to do with someone's job or a mortgage, these things are also choices.

You don't have to go to work if you don't want to. Right? And many people choose not to. So just own your choices and start changing how you speak about those things you are enjoying less and you'll see there will be a shift. I love that this puts the control back into our lives and into our vocabulary.

Stephanka, thank you so much for everything you've shared. And this is another episode, I always tell it like, go back and listen again. [00:28:00] Take notes, write it down because some of the key things you've taught us to tweak, shift, look at differently are vital in us really in our personal growth journey and our life balance journey and feeling less of a victim in our lives.

So I'm so grateful for all of the tools that you've shared today. If people want to connect with you, if they want to learn more from you and learn about your services, where can they find you? Thank you. By the way, I've really enjoyed this, chat with you, this conversation. And firstly, like if any of you are listening or watching this, let us know what has been your biggest takeaway, like both Katie and I, we would love to know what has been your biggest.

Takeaway what resonated, what perhaps didn't resonate, like, feel free to reach out to us. We would love to hear your thoughts and how to get in touch with me. I feel like the best place to go to is my website because it's got so many different [00:29:00] links and places where we can chat and connect, which is hypno coaching me.

And, um, you will find, um.  Couple of hypnosis recordings from there that you can download for free. You will find my Facebook community there where we can chat and connect. I share loads of like premium stuff in there, like different videos, techniques you can follow along, different masterclasses I have recorded over time.

And I'm also hanging out on Instagram a lot. And that's at new earth woman. New Earth Woman on Instagram and feel free to just message me and, and, and share how you enjoy this episode. And yeah, there is loads of free resources on my website as well. So you can always dive into something new. Great. I'll make sure all of those links are in the show notes.

And yes, please go and follow her and go listen to those [00:30:00] hypnotherapy recordings are going to be beautiful and helping you relax and really heal areas that you're probably like, I don't know. Just go listen, give it a shot. Give it a chance. Thank you again, Stepanka. I know we're going to stay connected.

Uh, I am so grateful for the work you do and how you serve others. And, um, thank you again for being on this podcast and sharing your wisdom. Well, thank you for having me and thank you for having such an incredible podcast. I really appreciate it. Thank you.

Thank you again for listening to today's episode. As one of my listeners, I have a special gift for you. Do you ever feel like you're simultaneously doing way too much while also not feeling like you're doing enough? I have a workbook that's going to help you solve that problem and get to the root of what actually needs to be done and what matters to you most based on your values.

Check out my juggling all the things workbook below in the show notes so that you can use this special gift to simplify your life. We all need that. And if you're interested in working with me, check [00:31:00] in the show notes below on information on how to do so. Here's to finding our balance code.