Dancing Through Burnout with Louise Glas

Speaker 1: 0:02

Welcome to the Balance Code Podcast, a place where you have permission to step outside the hamster wheel of day-to-day life and learn tools to create more balance. My name is Katie Russell. I'm a licensed therapist and burnout and hidden grief specialist. I support ambitious, goal-driven people who are ready to get off the one-way train, to burnout and start to enjoy life again to the fullest. Oh and, by the way, I'm a mom of three, an ex-pat living in Germany who's still learning the language, and an entrepreneur Living my Balance Code is what keeps me able to work in incredible ways without burning up. So let's find your Balance Code. Welcome back to the podcast. I have Louise last year and I am super excited to be discussing with her her journey of working through burnout and where she is today. Louise, thank you for being here and share with us a little bit about yourself before we dive into your personal experience.

Speaker 2: 1:09

Hello Katie and hello everybody. To the listeners of the Balance Code podcast, Thank you for having me.

Speaker 1: 1:16

I'm so grateful that you are going to be willing to share and open up. When we first talked about you doing an episode, you know you were sharing with me your own journey through burnout and we've been friends for a while and I was like can I interview you for the podcast? And you're like, yeah, so Louise, first of all, you were here in Munich, but where are you originally from?

Speaker 2: 1:36

Yes, I am from the Philippines. I was born and raised there and I moved to Munich eight years ago. It will be my eighth year this December. Long way and about me, you asked. I hold a degree in nursing and I'm in the middle of my post-grad at the University of Aberdeen studying psychology in the workplace, or what you call as industrial occupational psychology, and I'm loving every single minute of it. And along the way of my journey being here in Germany, I also founded a brand called Ladyglass. It started out as a tea brand but transitioned into something about wellness, because that's what I'm passionate about. But I'm on break and I found my way into the startup world and really enjoying it. So, yeah, that's awesome.

Speaker 1: 2:29

Okay. So where should we begin when it comes to your journey of experiencing burnout? Let's say now you can go back right 2020, like the 2020 hindsight, like okay, so let's go back. What were some of the things that were happening in your life, or maybe some of the warning signs, even two, three, four years before that you look back now and go why did I not pay attention?

Speaker 2: 2:55

to that. Oh my gosh, funny you say that, but I must say I think it started when I moved here, which was seven, eight years ago. I didn't even realize then because, in retrospect now, I was still young when I moved to URET and I was very excited because it's a new adventure, like, oh my gosh, I'm going to be galavanting in Europe, you know, finding myself and just getting out of my parent's house and whatnot, to the point that I forgot to grieve properly. Actually, because it was masked with excitement. It's like a shiny new toy. And when the luster dwindled and then the pandemic hit, all the masks have been taken away because we were locked down. That's when it hit me in the face like, oh my gosh, you're all, you're not okay, you're actually just putting a bandaid on it, if that makes sense.

Speaker 1: 3:57

Yeah, well, you know, I remember when I met you you were still trying to find yourself, and that was pre pandemic, right Like you were like I think of this and I think that and I'm not sure, but you were doing it through the work world trying to find you know, should I do this or should I invest in that, or should?

Speaker 1: 4:14

So I think it's funny, especially and I don't think it's just women who go through this, but those of us who tend to, like you, are ambitious, you are you know you're in the right pool of people, of these listeners and watchers today that you know being ambitious, there's this feeling of like my identity has to come from the work that I do and I remember that being something where you were just trying to find your place, but I love that you pointed out it started when you moved here, because there was already an identity shift that we none of us realized that we're going to go through when we first moved here because of the honeymoon phase, right.

Speaker 1: 4:54

Like I get like the American girl and me is like, look at the marine flaps I eat and my husband's like whatever been here forever and we don't grieve we don't even know to grieve what we've let go of because we think, wow, look at how shiny and beautiful this bright new car is right and not like, ah, but there's a lot of things I have to change or shift or adapt. I think it's powerful that you pointed out that that's really when you notice now that things happen and I would say then the symptom of that was what work should I be doing?

Speaker 1: 5:30

Yeah so that can find myself.

Speaker 2: 5:32

That's true. And the thing is, I'm now 31 and I'm still continuously finding myself Like every year there's a new part of me that I'm discovering, and I'm sure you can also say that that's true to you too. And that idea when we were younger that, oh my gosh, when you're 20, you're going to have everything figured out when you're 30, then you'll have a perfect life. Well, guess what? No, it doesn't work that way, because when you're 30, you're going to be thinking about next year and what does you know? So putting pressure on yourself and what it needs to be, what life should be, and then seeing everything in social media like everybody's having, like a coat on coat, perfect life.

Speaker 2: 6:19

It's like, oh my gosh, and what's happening with my life? And even though you say you're a very strong person, you don't get affected with the external things, but at some point it's going to hit you in the face and the next thing you know it's blowing up. Everything's just in front of you and you don't know what to do. So one of the first signs that I actively noticed that I'm actually already burning out was I couldn't sleep properly and I was becoming very moody, and the worst part was I couldn't eat anymore. So I've been having physical signs and symptoms already and that was very scary, to be honest, and I think you've seen me at my worst, and that was last year.

Speaker 1: 7:12

Yeah, but I remember years prior, the gradual progression to get to that point and it's scary those of you who are listening you know, like gosh, I have a friend like this, or I'm going through this Sometimes. We don't always see it, because if I only get to see you once every six months or so right, which is kind of what it was, because that was just life for both of us, it was like whoa, whoa. Each time was a bit of a shock and it's hard to know what to do in those situations. It's hard to know what to say, but thankfully you and I always have very open conversations that you're always like. I know this is going on, don't worry. Yeah, I think the benefit of a friend being a therapist is, you know, there are any thinking it, so it's just like, just say it, like, hey, I got it, we're good, yeah, but the warning signs being physical and the lack of sleep, which is that mental inability to just relax, right, turn it off. What about the emotional side? What was happening behind the scenes there?

Speaker 2: 8:08

Oh dear, I was always crying. Okay, oh my gosh, I was like I'm just always very sad. I think it's also a culmination of the environment, for example, wintertime in Germany oh my gosh, it's really depressing guys, and what's going on with my body and my overall health is not helping as well. So I'm not able to cope anymore. And, yes, I was just always very sad, crying, and I think I was also feeling homesick, but I didn't know. I was because I was in denial, because I thought to myself like if I admit to it, then it's going to be worse, which I don't know if that's also a good thing. I think it's just like a catch 22. But man, that was tough, can we?

Speaker 1: 8:53

bring in the cultural piece to this, because not only do we have like, hey, you're living abroad, but you have your cultural background performance. This is what you do, this is what you don't do, and you're going like okay in the view on mental health, plus, then you're living in Germany, who has its own view on the top. How did that all like? If you can step outside, it's so hard for us to look at our own culture when we're like, well, this is just my reality, but like, if you step outside of that, the term burnout, the feelings of depression, the grief, the sadness, the struggle with identity how do you think all of that shaped what ended up happening?

Speaker 2: 9:32

Funny. You asked me that question In my psych course. Right now our subject is actually about culture, so it's very timely and I've been thinking about it and comparing as well the cultures that I've been into and immersed in and the Philippines is in general a very jolly, happy country. If you've seen photos like there are already calamities and people are still smiling, you know, and everything is just a festivity. And then I come here to Germany. I'm not bashing your culture. I love you and your culture and your country. Thank you for giving me a home.

Speaker 2: 10:09

But it's just very different and there are studies showing that Germany is generally a closed culture country. So it's difficult to navigate situations. It's difficult to have connections with your neighbor, find friends, it's difficult to land a job and make a career out of it. It's just much more difficult for me who's an outsider coming into your country trying to make a life, trying to build a life, you know, a happy one, a livable life, and I wasn't culture shocked because I knew what I was getting into. But being here and being faced with a reality of how difficult it really is is difficult in itself.

Speaker 1: 10:56

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 10:57

So what I'm saying is you can never be prepared for something that's coming, even if you say that you're really a good prepper, but you can never really prepare for a big change in your life, because there will be things that you cannot just anticipate and you just have to trust yourself that you have the right tools to phase it head on, cope with it and emerge from it. And that's when burnout actually kicked in. I know I'm a strong person, but everything that's been happening, it's just been compounding and my usual coping mechanisms were not working for me anymore. And then to the point that I couldn't manage my emotions anymore. I couldn't manage what's happening, I couldn't cope. I just couldn't, until there was a time when I couldn't get out of bed. That's how bad it was.

Speaker 2: 11:56

And I tried, as a nurse, I tried to think that I know, based on theories, based on books, based on practices. I asked my friends hey, have you been feeling this? I've been asking you, do you have any suggestions or recommendations? I've tried. So some people say that, some people just don't try. But I did try, but nothing's working. And that's when it hit me that, hey, louise, something has to change or else it will be really I don't know what's a word scary, detrimental, dangerous.

Speaker 1: 12:32

Yeah, long-term you were into the realm of this will cause a long-term impact. If I don't catch this now, what was the point? Where you go? It's time to buy the ticket and go back home.

Speaker 2: 12:44

Oh my gosh, that was funny because let me tell you first what prompted me to buy a ticket. Funny that I say it's funny now, but it's actually scary because I actually love winter, because I get to dress up nicely and I get to wear nice coats and then my knee-high boots, you know, just put on and be cozy. And I love walking outside in snow because I love the sound of the footsteps against the snow. So that's what I did last oh, january or February this year and then I walked to my favorite bakery and then, upon walking back, I just stopped breathing. Oh, wow, I haven't told you this, I only told a couple of people.

Speaker 2: 13:33

But on the way back, a road that I know very well and that I frequently walk to, I just couldn't breathe and I felt like I was about to pass out and nobody was around me. I was alone in this road and then it hit me like holy, holy, oh my gosh, like what happens if I pass out here? I'm alone, nobody would be able to see me, I don't know, and it's so cold, it was minus something degrees, it's February or January too, and I was so scared and I just told myself I have to get a grip and then the nerves in me psyched me like deep breathing, you can do this, you know. And then I said, okay, I only have a few more meters to get to my home and I have to get there. So I was just pacing myself, pacing myself, and I got home and then I cried. I was like, oh my gosh, how can I not breathe? The breathing is such a physiological thing, it's a natural thing. And my body just stopped.

Speaker 2: 14:36

Yeah, and that was scary. I never knew how scary it was until it just stops. And then I was in panic. And then I tried again, like the next day, and it's the same thing over and over. And I said, okay, there's something wrong with me. I'm really stressed out, I'm not breathing properly, I feel so weak, I'm so dizzy all the time, and I said, no, I have to get out, just like that. And then I booked a ticket one week before my flight and then I flew. I flew back to the Philippines. I didn't know what to expect. I just thought I just need to get out, because that really scared me.

Speaker 1: 15:14

Yeah, like something has to change, because we're at the point now where my body won't even take an air. Wow, okay, so you go back home. Yes, and I know prior to that you had gone home for like a longer stint. So you already knew like, hey, I like being home. You know, like I miss this place, but this was the like okay, it's time, it's time to change something, something has to shift. So you go, and what were the steps? Like that? Because it's not like you just go home and like I feel better, because it's almost a band-aid right, like, if you don't go, well, now I need to address the real stuff going on. That's true.

Speaker 2: 15:49

So I went there and I had this habit that whenever I visit, I would just have one week all to myself. Nobody knows I'm there, so I just need to make my peace and quiet and then, when I'm ready, then I'll show myself to my family and then to my friends. Yeah, but that's one thing about me. So that's what I did One or two days just to myself. But I wasn't feeling any better. So I said, okay, now I'm actually feeling bored and alone. And I was looking into the activities within the city, like near my hotel, it's like, oh my goodness, there is a dance studio and I said that sounds fun.

Speaker 2: 16:30

So I went to the dance studio and I bought a pass and I attended a dance class and the first 10 minutes made me very dizzy already and I couldn't breathe and I was really in a bad position. I was really gasping for air and I almost you know that lightheadedness feeling and you feel that you could just pass out. Yep, that's what happened. But the old me would say, oh my gosh, I'm so weak, I will not do this anymore, I will not come back, because it's so scary and makes me feel bad, and it really made me feel nauseous as well. Yeah, and that moment I said, okay, no, I need to do something and change something so I can be better, healthy, be much healthier. So I just took a five minute break and then I went back to the studio and then I dance, and, and then I kept on going and going until the 10 minutes became 1520, 31 hour, and now I'm doing like three hours and I can dance the full day now and it makes me so happy. Oh, my gosh, that's awesome.

Speaker 1: 17:34

So had you danced before, like what made you go like this is it? I'm going to try this, I'm going to do it.

Speaker 2: 17:40

I haven't really taken like official dance lessons because I don't know, as a child I was an overachiever and I already had a lot of things going on, and dance on top of that is just too much, so I never had that opportunity. But there's a funny story that made me wanted to dance because I was watching something on YouTube or no, that was on Facebook, and then an ad showed up like a viral not an ad a viral video of a dance competition from somebody from Japan, and it made me very happy watching that video. It was under one minute and my thinking was me being in a bad position, bad headspace, not the same Louise that I know I am. If that thing made me happy, why can't I do that for somebody else as well? Like, if they see, I don't know, maybe a dance video of myself too, I would like to cheer somebody up who was in the same space as me. Yeah, that's why I looked for a dance studio and that's why I learned how to dance and I've never been happier.

Speaker 2: 19:01

I was telling myself I've been missing out in life Like years of not dancing. Because it's really an amazing world you get to strengthen not only your physical health, but it's also something emotional, social, mental, and it opened my eyes to new things and to new friendships that are really authentic and real. And it also showed me how strong and resilient I am Because, for example, when you're learning a choreography, we learn something within an hour and a half. And these are difficult choreographies and they're so difficult to remember and a part of me would want to give up.

Speaker 2: 19:50

A part of me is scared to dance in front of a lot of people. Part of me is scared to be judged, but the community tells you that it doesn't matter. You just have to do your thing, express yourself, and we're gonna support you, no matter what. It's powerful, very, and that taught me that. Yeah, like, yes, there are people who are about connections. It's not about connecting for the sake of making business. Yeah, yeah, I can actually tear up and it's okay about it, because I'm really really thankful for dance and the people I've met, because they really saved me in my life.

Speaker 1: 20:32

So, yeah, I think it's amazing that you're in a hotel room. You're doing your thing because you just need your own time. You get bored and you look and see what's going on and you see that dance classroom. It reminds me of the video that you're like I want to be that light for someone else and you just go do it Like you don't have the prior experience. You're like I'm just gonna go try. And what's been amazing is that an outside friend is seeing these videos of you progressively improving, trying new styles and even in the last year you finally really sharing with us, like you play piano and you sing.

Speaker 1: 21:12

And you're putting stuff out there with the desire to bring cheer and joy to people's lives and to help them when they might be in a dark space like you are, and I think that's extremely noble. But what's most important is you realize you had to take care of you first. Before it wasn't like day one, you started recording yourself. You waited till you were in a place where it's like, okay, let me start. Now I can start to show people like the joy in what I'm doing and bring them joy, and the fact that you found a friendship group that accepted you, no matter where you were at at what point, no matter your dancing, whatever.

Speaker 1: 21:50

It wasn't about performance, it was about, like you said, authenticity, and you and I have had the discussion that I think many people who live abroad, the group that you sort of connect with sometimes it doesn't always feel authentic. We kind of have to put on a face for the place that we live and the fact that you could go home and go find that was powerful. So let's talk about. So you're there, you notice some changes in your health because you're able to do routines for three hours or whatever. How about the things like sleep and breathing overall and eating like the things you said I could not do when I was in Germany and I was hitting burnout.

Speaker 2: 22:33

I'm eating again. I'm so happy to report that. You know, for other people it's difficult for them to lose weight. Maybe this is a sensitive topic, but I wanna say that there are also people out there like me who find it difficult to gain weight. You know, and I actually finally gained weight and I spoke with you two weeks ago or last week and I showed you the clothes and I'm giving away because they don't fit me anymore. I'm kind of so, so, so happy about that. So, yeah, I'm thankful to Dan's because it makes me sleep much better. I wake up with so much more energy, I actually feel alive, and it makes me eat more and just eat, not for the sake of cause I need to, but to really enjoy it again.

Speaker 2: 23:26

And then, in times of stress cause you cannot eliminate stress, that's the reality of it I just find myself like I don't know, like dancing or stepping, like two steps. I'm doing a two step and just being in a good mood, you know, and I think that was the thing that I was lacking, cause I was doing that mental healing, emotional healing. I went to therapy, you know, and what I didn't know, what was lacking was the physical health, I mean the physical activities. And I found out through Dan, so I'm glad, breathing I haven't stepped out and minus something degrees yet, because it hasn't yet, not yet it's coming.

Speaker 1: 24:12

I want to maybe we should do it together. I'll be with you.

Speaker 2: 24:17

Walk beside you, but I believe, I believe that I'm stronger, healthier now and I know I'm capable of ensuring that extreme weather again, so I'm excited to try. I'll let you know.

Speaker 1: 24:32

Yeah, okay, so you go from being in the Philippines for a period of time and you stayed for several months, four, for four months, yeah, and now you have returned and what is sort of your we're going to call it this cause. It sounds really boring, but burnout prevention plan right, sure, very therapeutic. What are the steps you're taking now here, because this is where you live? Yes, to not go back down the path you were before, and I'm going to be, I'm going to say before listeners. This is unconventional, not all of you will be able to do this, so don't hear this and go. This is what I have to do. The least does it. So I have to. This is what Louise has found works for her and is helping her in preventing burnout again. So go ahead and share.

Speaker 2: 25:18

Yeah, I love that you say that, because what works for me might not work for you, and that's okay. I love your podcast because it helps you find your own balance code and yeah. So I got back here and I was honestly scared to come back, cause I was gone for four months. I didn't say like bye. Personally, I remember messaging Katie and saying, yeah, I'm flying and I'll see you when I come back, something like that. And I was scared that when I come back, that I will not have friends to come back to. So I flew back and I said, oh my gosh, what am I gonna do with my life? Cause I paused everything. I just, I just did. I'm happy I have the luxury to do that.

Speaker 2: 26:08

One thing's for sure when I came back, I said I have to be in a dance studio. So that was one of the first things I did. I registered myself in two dance studios, because one of the classes that I wanted and one wasn't available in the other, and I said no, no, no, no, no, no, negotiable, I have to have both. You do. Yeah, that's what I did. And then I immersed myself, kinda immersed myself in the dance world in Europe. I went to dance battles, dance workshops in Amsterdam, in Austria. So that's what I've been doing.

Speaker 2: 26:45

And the next thing was protecting myself as well, being more mindful of the things I say yes to. Is this, for example, with friendships? Is this a friendship that I would like to maintain for a long time? Is this a friend that I would like to keep until I am older and grayer, you know? So, being mindful of the things that I spend my energy on, I think that's very important.

Speaker 2: 27:19

And another thing is to acknowledge that I'm only human. I don't have to do it all, that it's okay to not keep it together all the time, Cause for the longest time, I was hard on myself. Maybe it's my upbringing, it just is. And people pleasing perfection is upbringing. You have to be an achiever over achiever, but no, it's not sustainable. So, being honest with what I can and cannot do, and really setting my boundaries with people Like I, started to weed out my Facebook friends, you know, and my contacts on my phone, just everything, and it may be may appear negative to some, but I realized that I will never be able to please everybody and that's freaking. Okay, yes, yes, amen.

Speaker 1: 28:30

That's okay. I wanna celebrate you in that, cause that's a hard place to get to.

Speaker 2: 28:35

yes, oh my God, it took me 31 years. People, yeah, yeah, and being less apologetic If I do things it's not to offend you, it's to protect my peace. You know that I've worked really hard for because I will always remember that time when I was at my worst, and I don't ever want to go back there again, because I owe it to myself to be a much better, healthier me. Those are just the simple things that I've been doing on top of my head, but there surely are more. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 29:09

Yeah, you pointed out that you were scared to come back and I just wanna say thank you for saying that, because it's kind of like back at the very beginning we talked about like thank you for everything you've shared. Thank you for sharing it. It's very vulnerable, right, Like I wanna honor that. But you pointed out like it's scary to come back to your quote real life, right Back to the normal life. Let's say what will other people think? Can I maintain this? What will happen to me? Will I just get sucked back into it? This is the things I hear my clients go through.

Speaker 1: 29:43

I have gone through myself where you just don't almost you wanna continue to avoid it like normal life. Many of my clients who take off time, extended time, from work, they're scared to go back because how do you go back into that world? That's gonna expect certain things of you and I love that you are going. I don't have to talk to all those people anymore. I don't have to do those things anymore. I'm gonna start to do these things and I'm only gonna talk to these people.

Speaker 1: 30:08

And you and I talked about this last week that you could have gone like years not talking to me and then come back and been like, hey, here's what happened, here's what was going on. I've been like, girl, get you, I'm here, what do you need? But I realized that there are not friends like that out there who understand that. Right, there are gonna be friends who go. I went through all these things and you weren't there for me.

Speaker 1: 30:28

So you have to remove the expectations of others, because your mental health is what matters. You wouldn't be able to be there for them if you were in burnout, not breathing right, Like that's. You're not gonna be able to be that support. So it is okay to be selfish. We often think the word selfish means, like you know, self-centered and narcissistic. Selfish is not narcissistic. Being selfish, self-focused, allows you to be the light in the world, to help others Like Louise. The fact that you took care of yourself allows you now to bring joy to so many, and it's not because, oh, I'm gonna do this only for others. You do it for you and you just share your journey with people and that's amazing.

Speaker 2: 31:12

Exactly so. When you asked me to be on your podcast, I told you straight up like I'm scared. I'm honestly nervous and scared because I don't know what to expect. I've been on break since I don't know eight months ago, march this year, and your podcast is my first official engagement. Woo-hoo, back in the world. Yeah, I'm officially back, but no, I was scared because I don't wanna be stuck into it again.

Speaker 1: 31:41

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 31:43

I'm scared that I'll be in a bad place again, but the reality is it doesn't have to be. It's a choice that you make and all the small steps that we make actually contribute to the bigger step, whatever that step is that you wanna get to. So, yeah, I'm just very glad to have friends like you who understand that some people need to go through things alone, that it's okay to some, that some people just need to disappear for a little while and to be a better person, so we can be a better I don't know better friend to you or better friend to somebody or better person for the world. But you say, like you cannot pour from Nancy cup. Right, it's the reality of it and you have to fill your cup first and then share it to the world, and I'm glad they're doing your podcast and allowing us to share a story, so hopefully we can actually help somebody, even if it's just one person, and that's already okay, definitely.

Speaker 1: 32:51

I know, I know I know everything you share will help many, and thank you for looking at the fear and going okay, cool, you're there, I'm still gonna talk, I'm still gonna share my story because I do. I really know that the things that you shared today and the nuggets of wisdom you gave and that you'll continue to do in the world are going to inspire and support so many people. So, louise, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for your friendship and thank you for your willingness to come on this as your first official event, and I cannot wait for people to listen and to hear their feedback. And if you would like to connect with Louise, I would say email me at info at katyreslercom, and any message you wanna share with her of inspiration I'll pass on to her, because I wanna give her the privacy of her social media and her space and she doesn't need this influx of like ah, she wants it right.

Speaker 1: 33:42

So if you see the link below for her, you can, but if not, email me, I will pass the message on gladly. We what's that? Message each other regularly, so it'll be easy.

Speaker 2: 33:51

She voice notes me regularly.

Speaker 1: 33:55

Yes, and you graciously accept them, and I'm thankful for that. Very good Well, louise, thank you for being here, and thank you to those who are listening and watching, and here's to finding your balance code. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. If you have a moment, please leave a rating or review so that others can find this podcast who are looking for support, just like you. Let's connect on Instagram, at katywrestler or at balancecodepodcastcom, and if you're interested in listening to this podcast, you can find it on katywrestlercom or at balancecodepodcast, or check down in the show notes to find ways that we can work together and see other offerings that I have for you at this time. And here's to finding our balance code.